heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
