i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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