I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
