had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
