apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
