he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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