i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
