I met the friendliest cop last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize