I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
