You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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