Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
