that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then my night got REAL pukey
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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