i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
