Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.