I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.