she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?