please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
