there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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