My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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