Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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