Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
