Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
