Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
