i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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