Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize