My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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