when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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