She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
