i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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