Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
