Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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