have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
