My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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