her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
