So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
