I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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