it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
