I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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