the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
