with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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