she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
