12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
