in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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