He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
