never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
