It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize