I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
