She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
