Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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