A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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