Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
