i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
