Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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