well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
