Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
