Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
then he tried to convert me to islam
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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