He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
