If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
