I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
