my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well most of my day revolves around power hour
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
