I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
