You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
