First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
