i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
