you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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