I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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