so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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