just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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