I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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