The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
farters have to be the big spoon...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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