tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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