My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
