Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
