needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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